she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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