I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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