on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
