I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
