he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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