just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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