return my video game
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize