The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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