that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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