who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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