you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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