I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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