The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
