Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
