I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
