I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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