The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
