There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
