Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
