the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize