shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
