Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i think i have two assholes
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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