I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So. Much. Porn.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
