i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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