I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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