Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize