The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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