i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
