Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize