My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
