like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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