mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
