he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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