Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
