I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
