Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
