If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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