Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
