im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize