you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
