I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
