she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
