how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
