i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Bring me that man meat
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I would ride that face into the sunset
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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