just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
