Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
