I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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