The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
