..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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