she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
