I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
