My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
