There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
