I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
