It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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