if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize