I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
