Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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