She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
