Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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