she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize