I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
