Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
