I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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