I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
