Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
