you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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