I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
