She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
