My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Quick, to the slutcave!
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she peed on how many people?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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