I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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