Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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