you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
