Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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