If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
