were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
