Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
