Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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