I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
