it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
