if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
