it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I need water and some morals
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
