saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
