Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
