Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
