not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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