why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
