dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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