32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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