What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
