Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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