Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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