I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
