All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
