The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
