dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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