The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
