Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
