oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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