someone get that fucking seahorse.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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