I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
actually, I'm a sock model
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
