so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
